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Help For Those Who Are Grieving Part 1

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Over the past couple of weeks I have been going over in my mind the devastating accident that happened to the Humboldt Broncos Organization.   I have mulled over many times the details of what happened and how this gut wrenching tragedy has left everyone stunned.   How it has left a town in turmoil.  How it has left people not knowing where to turn or what to do next.  How it has left people filled with sadness and grief.   A disaster that has left everyone reeling in disbelief.  I have been thinking constantly about all those involved.

I wish I could twitch my nose and make everything better.  I wish I could turn back the clock and change the chain of events.  I wish I could bring back all those who lost their lives.  I wish I could take away their sorrow and grief.   I wish, I wish, I wish but I cannot do any of these things.

Questions That Need Answers

I have been wondering how these people are coping with their loss after this horrific situation.   Are they getting any answers to the many questions that must be going through their minds?  Are they finding ways to deal with it?  Are they able to cope with the pain of losing someone close to them?  I wish I had answers for them.  Here are some of the questions I have:

  • How are they dealing with having lost someone near and dear to them?
  • How are they picking up the pieces?
  • Are they getting help to deal with the way they are feeling?
  • Where are they finding the strength to keep going?
  • How as a Parent do they deal with losing their Son or Daughter?
  • How as a Wife do they deal with losing their Husband?
  • How are Brothers and Sisters impacted by their loss?
  • How as a Family do they cope with losing a close relative?
  • How as a Billet Parent are they dealing with losing their Billet Son?
  • How do they go on after losing a good friend that was an important part of their life?
  • What do you do when you lose someone close to you?
  • Who does someone turn to in times like these?
  • Where do they go for help?
  • How do we help and how do they help themselves?
  • How do they carry on after such a major disaster in their lives?
  • How are they dealing with their grief?

How?  How?  How?

What is Grief?

Grief is described in the dictionary as:  Pain of mind produced by loss, misfortune, sorrow, cause of sorrow, trouble, deep sorrow, pain, distress, mental pain, mishap, sadness

How Do You Grieve?

There is no right or wrong way to grieve and everyone grieves differently.  There is no timetable for grieving as everyone grieves in their own time.  Some grieve for a long time and some for a short time.  No two people grieve the same way.  Some are able to emotionally handle it better than others.

I was a long time recovering when I lost my brother.  I felt like it was the end of the world.  I was very bitter and angry that he had been taken from me.  I felt like there wasn’t anyone who really cared about me or how I was feeling.  My grieving was slow and long.

Read:  The 7 Stages Of Grief

What’s Next?

They are gone, what do I do now?  You may feel that life just isn’t worth living and you can’t go on.  I cannot sit here and write this article and tell you that everything is going to be better.  That time will heal the wounds.  That there are better days ahead.  I just cannot say all these things because I don’t really know.  To you right now that isn’t true.  As far as you are concerned  things are never going to be better.  I don’t know what lies ahead or how you really feel.  What I do know is this is a very difficult time in your life and I sympathize.

I can’t change what has happened all I can do is try and make it easier to deal with.  Through my own personal losses and after doing some research I have compiled a list of suggestions.  I trust that by going through these ideas you will  find at least one thing that will help you with your grief.  In the days ahead may you find comfort in knowing that others care.  Day by day may you find the strength to carry on.  As you mourn may you find help in these suggestions to deal with your grief.  I hope that your grieving becomes easier as the days go on.

Read:  Grief:  What’s Normal And How To Cope

Suggestions to Help You Through The Grieving Process

  1. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PAIN – First and foremost you have to accept the fact that you are in pain.  By acknowledging your grief you will be able to deal with it much easier.  You must accept the fact that you are grieving.  Realizing that yes, you are suffering and need help to get through it helps start the healing process.  Admitting it to yourself and others that you need help means that you can now move on and work through your grief.
  2. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS  –  Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a close friend can help.  When you talk about your loved one many emotions will come out.  Don’t be afraid to talk things over with someone that is close to you.  They know you are grieving so they will understand and want to be a good friend.  There will be times when you will need to talk and get your feelings out.  Talking about your loved one can actually make you feel better.
  3. CRY IT OUT — Don’t be afraid to cry.  Cry whenever you feel like it.  Grieving certainly brings tears.  If it strikes you when you are in the parking lot somewhere just sit in your car and cry.  If you are out somewhere and burst out in tears go ahead and cry.  Don’t worry what other people think.  If someone reaches out to you because you are crying don’t shun them.  People usually don’t know what to say when they see someone crying.  Just explain you have just lost a loved one and are feeling very sad today.  Crying will help you deal with it.  If you cry around someone you know they will be sympathetic and understand.  People that know you know what you have gone through.
  4. TAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF – Take time out for yourself and you may have to take extra time off work.  The days following a death are always busy, filled with preparing for the funeral, visitation, and the burial itself.  Friends and family are around to help you get through the grieving process.  After it is over you need to sit back and mourn in silence.  Being by yourself for a time to mourn with your thoughts can help.  Taking time off gives you time to absorb and process what has just happened.
  5. CALL A FRIEND – It isn’t easy to pick up the phone or send a text and tell someone you need them.  However, this is what you should do.  If they are a good friend they won’t even hesitate to be there for you.  After all you are grieving and you are reaching out for help.  Just hearing their voice and them hearing yours will help.  Text and invite them over for a chat.  Sometimes you don’t feel like entertaining so ask them to pick up a coffee on the way over.  Share what you are thinking and how you are feeling with them.    Go through pictures of your loved one with them.  This will bring back lots of memories and make  you feel sad but that is OK.  You can always call a close relative but could end up grieving together.  Instead of getting comfort you could end up giving comfort.

I continue my suggestions in Part 2.  Some of those suggestions are:  Take Offers Of Help, Set Aside Time To Grieve, Take Time For Yourself, Go To A Movie, Get Out Of The House to name a few.


Read:  64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief





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